Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
