The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
