I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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