you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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