just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
