you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize