Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
