Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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