haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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