what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
