I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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