no, he came in my armpit
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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