So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
