Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
