"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're too hungover to prance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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