So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
