Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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