operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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