i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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