Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
