I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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