when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
