So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My boob is missing a layer of skin
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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