i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize