he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
