So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
