I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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