Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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