hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
