i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
