i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
