Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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