they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
