Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
