he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize