It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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