I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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