Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize