You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
