I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm experimenting with sincerity
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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