that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
