just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize