she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
