dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
