google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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