I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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