I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
