Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
