Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
