My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
