Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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