Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
