Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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