that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
