my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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