What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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