Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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