I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
