If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
