So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
