I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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