i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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