If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
