On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
