i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
