I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
