dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
