her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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