apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
