While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
