I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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